Not sure if its been the anxiety of weeks of self quarantine or adding a newborn to the mix, but my patience are noticeably short lately. Losing my cool and swearing at my 3 year old is not something I am proud of, but it's reality.
Let's play out the scenario, shall we?
Cue Mia screaming and crying from upstairs that her leotard is "toooooo tiiiiggghhhhtttt" as I try to get in my own workout downstairs. This was her 3rd outfit change before noon. I tried calling her downstairs so I can help her many times as she continued to yell from upstairs, ignoring my (half ass) attempt to help her. Finally, I head upstairs, very annoyed- I find her now stomping and whining about her freaking leotard giving her a wedgie (I can laugh about it now)- my response:
"Mia I am going to loose my fu@king $hit"
Her look back to me let me knew my point was made, as she looked at me shocked and wide eyed. My threshold was crossed and I acted out of frustration.
As humans, we are hardwired to respond to stress. Our amygdala gets fired up when met with stress- we are programmed to respond in 3 ways: fight, flight or freeze. As one of the previous students pointed out to me, a 4th "f" should be "freak out". Appropriate for this situation!
Our emotions can overwhelm us, our heart rate rise with every attempt to ignore or problem solve. This type of natural response in our brains has evolved to save us from danger- real or perceived; not so helpful for negotiating with a head strong toddler!
The GUILT! Even typing this, I feel like other mom's might judge me, I know I should not feel shame, but I sort of do. Girl, if you're out there reading this, you know the guilt can be paralyzing, thus not leading to a productive resolution with your little one!
Turning a Perceived Parenting Fail into a Win
What I usually do is model to Mia what I'm feeling. It's essentially what I got frustrated at her for- she was feeling frustrated with her damn wardrobe malfunction- thus increasing her stress, causing her to scream and act irrationally. The same thing happened with me + my reaction!
After my cloud of guilt cleared up, I took this as an opportunity to sit with her , hold her, and take a few deep breaths, apologize, and explain to her I was frustrated. Luckily, like most kids, Mia is so damn resilient and her capacity for love and forgiveness seems endless!(Thank God) Sharing how you're feeling with your kids is so important and its a way to coach your kids how to do it, too!
Girl, I am not perfect- no one is! Moments like this are golden nuggets of opportunities to connect with your kids, show them how to take personal responsibility, to actually feel feelings, and be a human!
With all that said, I feel truly blessed to have both of my girls home with me, especially during this time that can otherwise be isolating, lonely +dangerous for others. When I feel tired, annoyed, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, under appreciated, like I have not privacy or "me time", etc. I also recognize, how lucky I am to have purpose, connection, love, laughter, creativity, someone who actually needs me and keeps me busy during this weird time.
I GET to have all of these feelings. So I guess telling The Girl 'I'm going to lose my shit', is a privilege, because I actually have shit to lose.
Ya feel me!?
Go on girl,
XO, Kat
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