Motherhood:
A FULLY charged word, having a completely different meaning for every mom - Yours Truly
I will safely assume one thing for sure, that motherhood can feel isolating, especially if you are a first time mom or someone who is the first in their social circle to have a child.
The night time is the worst, the anticipation of it, then the reality of it. Waking in the dead of night, tired AF, darkness, physical discomfort, etc.; it can feel very lonely. A 15 minute feeding feels like an hour. You just put your baby down peacefully and cuddle back into bed, then you hear their cry again. Perhaps your toddler now wakes up now in the middle of the night to sneak into your room to join the action. Sleep feels so disrupted +scarce... But, you will sleep again.
A messy house and a growing to-do list leaves you feeling like you're not accomplishing much, yet you're so exhausted from giving so much of yourself...But you will find yourself again.
You question everything, you Google EVERYTHING! Are you doing it right? Could you be doing better? Am I starting a bad habit?...But you're actually doing it just as it should be!
The Truth is
Happiness is a choice, it is not simply the result of carefully curated outcomes or favorable situations. Happiness isn't winning the lottery, or wearing your favorite outfit, or getting yourself out of .a speeding ticket. It is a decision you make on a conscious level. The belief that happiness is always within your reach, is the truth. There are times where you will loose sight of this sentiment, sure!
It's Complicated
Every day brings this complex duality of joy + struggle. There are great moments sprinkled with difficult moments. But the choice of YOUR focus is totally up to you. And by focusing to nourish the feelings of joy does NOT mean that the hardship does not exist. It simply means the narrative is more in your control, which is so powerful, especially when things feel very out of control.
It's been about 3 years since I have been in the newborn stage with my eldest daughter, yet it seems so foreign. While in the thick of it, you'll want it to pass, you'll want it to hurry up. But slow it down, girl!! You'd also be rushing the sweetest smell of your baby, or the way their little bodies just nestle right up to your chest, their loving gaze into your eyes, or the way their tiny fingers wrap around yours, and all their "firsts" that feel so special and exciting, even if you've already experienced them with your other children.
But most of all, for this short period of time- YOU are all they need. Thinking of your struggles through this lens will help you appreciate what we have as being a mother...we have fulfillment, a role, a responsibility. Even in the shittiest of shit storms we have the most special kind of love + attachment to our babies.
Your Experience Is Unique
Postpartum is a beautiful chaos that may shift from child to child, and mother to mother. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and however you are feeling is 100% valid! Having an understanding/awareness of your threshold for anxious feelings, sadness + depletion is super important. If you are a Mom that is struggling with finding the joy on a consistent basis, lean on your supports: partner, spouse, family, friends, neighbors, mom networks, online forums, or healthcare provider. There is no shame in asking for help, its a sign of strength and self awareness. Again, control your narrative.
Your reality is what you put your energy into. How can you create space for joy, happiness, laughter, fun, or creativity, even when you feel like you don't have time? Don't over think it, sit in a sun filled window, move your body, take a drive, listen to some great music, meditation, breath-work, Netflix, and so on! (More on this topic soon!!)
You deserve to feel joy + your baby needs you!
Go on Girl,
XO, Kat
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