Optimist With Low Expectations

While reading this week I came across an old article by Keith Wagstaff, titled "Happiness equation solved: Lower your expectations" (click to read full article). One main tenant of the article states that happiness is a result of evaluating if things are going better or worse than expected. I continue to ponder this idea... So if we want to be happy, we should lower our expectations, thus lower our chance for disappointment... I can't get behind this whole heartedly.

But what if happiness isn't the only metric used to feel whole, or content. Ah! Ok so if we expand beyond happiness and start to evaluate how wholly we are living our lives measured by self growth, improvement, our metric might look differently. Perhaps having higher expectations or standards for ourselves and your peeps is what might serves us best...AGREE! But solely happiness: Maybe it's true, optimism can be achieved by keeping our expectations lower?

Despite what you may hear or read on a daily basis; we have so many cool things going on in our lives, yes even with a pandemic. Now especially, I feel like I can easily overlook my blessings. As a collective, we are failing to recognize them, or simply taking them for granted because our expectations for what life should be like may be too high.

I started to think about this yesterday when I was getting a car wash. I was going through the motions- pulled up, paid, put it in neutral and sat there as my car was pulled along.

It was then, when Mia, 3 year old daughter gasped in amazement and said " whoa, these lights are beautiful"! My brain for a second thought "really?!? she thinks this is THAT beautiful to gasp in awe!?" As we continued on, I of course entertained her comment by saying yea, how cool, right!? She continued on to say, "Ya! I can't believe it... we are so lucky to do this!"

Mic drop moment from my 3 year old

This is actually a photo of her enjoyment!

Now I'm not saying that a drive-thru car wash is supposed to offer you some spiritual enlightenment, however it took her words to remind me of how blessed I am and that I'm missing "stuff". The thoughts she shared with me reminded how blessed I truly am- 1) That I am Well. 2) That I have a safe car for me and my family, 3) That I have a 3 year old daughter with so much wisdom! I could go on, but you get my point.

I drove out of the car wash with a huge smile + with a reminder that even "beautiful lighting" can make you feel happy if you just open yourself up to it! This for me is achieved by lowering my expectation of what life "should" be like. I keep wishing and wanting life to return to "normal"; thus setting the standard that we are "not there yet"= disappointment. I continue to think how much "better" life will be when we don't have to wear a mask when we leave the house, when we can go out to dinner, when we can feel less anxious being around other humans, etc. Again setting myself up for disappointment.

But what if I started to pull back by lowering my expectations to think about where we are presently? The masks, (although annoying), are intended to protect the vulnerable. The food, I am still able to enjoy delicious food by ordering out and supporting local small businesses. And lastly, the distancing, I'm thankful for technology that helps us stay connected even when we are physically apart. Lowering my expectations for life as it is right now, is keeping me happy + grateful.

While I do agree that there is a place for high expectations... right now, for me, lower expectations are creating contentment + happiness. Neither is right or wrong. Perhaps it's fluid... changing my expectations from day to day + person to person is what's getting me through right now.

What's getting you through?

Go On Girl,

XO, Kat