As we approach Mia's 2nd birthday in a few weeks (how!?!), I am coming into a new season of motherhood that I am excited (+ anxious) about!
What an amazing amount of growth + joy Mia has brought to my husband and I, over the last two years! So, this Mama is aiming to control the narrative of the unraveling of Mia's behavior.
Ooooh the "terrible two's"; phrase commonly used to describe the next developmental stage after infancy
I am going to take my own advice in this new season of motherhood...any toddler mom's reading this, lets do this together, shall we?!
What if we simply loose the negative implication of the phrase"terrible two's" by better examining what's really going on in this stage. When you think about what is happening developmentally, in a 2 year old, remember:
- They have zero {to very little} tolerance for frustration
For Mia, I am noticing when she hears the word "No", it totally upsets her more than I have ever noticed.
- They are egocentric + self centered
Mia think's I can read her mind! Perhaps this manifests as a little sass when I give her water, instead of her beloved chocolate milk with dinner. This can send her into a whiney meltdown or straight up refusal!
- They still believe they control their parents/caretakers
I am noticing this one most recently and it makes me laugh (Or else I would cry). Mia is into telling me " No, don't touch me!", "Go cook dinner, Mommy". Or the latest, "Leave me alone, Mommy"...Say whaaat, Mia girl!? NEVER!
- They are into creating+ exploring without limits
This is my favorite to observe, but can potentially be the most dangerous! I love to peek in on Mia when she goes to play in her room on her own. I love seeing her chatting to herself or using her imagination while talking and feeding her stuffed animals! This can also extend into wanting to fix and create like adults. For example, wanting to light the candles (That reminds me I need to switch the spot for our candle lighter, yikes!) fix the fireplace doors and turn the lights on + off by climbing on objects!
So, What's So Terrible Anyways?
Is it the difficulty of sharing, the tantrums, the bossiness + mischief? Sure, it's all so hard to navigate, especially as a first time mom! I am learning how to be a mother in the same way Mia is learning how to be a little human!
As a lot of you who are reading this know, that I am a school counselor. I am pretty familiar with behaviors and like to pride myself on being someone who can handle, let's say some pretty "tough cookies"! This has helped me think about Mia's new behaviors with more understanding! Let me break it down for ya!
As a parent you:
1) Set a limit: Cue the tantrum! Maybe the toddler cries because they don't get their way...
2) Are creating a boundary
3) Repeat + stay consistent: boundaries set will become familiar to your child, thus reducing the undesired behavior
4) Create a sold foundation for shaping adaptive behavior
5) Always circle back to connect with your child about what caused the tantrum
Avoiding step 5, could be a complete missed opportunity of a teachable movement with your kiddo!!
Here's what I am doing:
1) Giving choices: This is giving Mia the illusion that she is still in control of the decision being made.
2) Modeling good behavior: well maybe sometimes, haha!
3) During meltdowns, sticking to the initial limit I set: this is huge, and really hard to do!
4) Using positive phrasing and reinforcement : Rather than saying "no hitting", I try to say, use "gentle or nice hands". When I do notice that Mia is using gentle hands, noticing this and giving her praise immediately! Or when Mia is helping, saying general statements to describe Mia like "Mia is so helpful!"
5) Laughing: staying positive while growing my understanding of the norms of this developmental stage. I love talking other mom's who are light hearted and came make fun with me!
*Disclaimer: toddlerhood + motherhood is hard!*
Be CAUTIOUS of how you think about certain situations. Learn the ability to reflect on how powerful your mind is, and how it influences: your approach, your attitude, the way you think + your behavior. Thinking of your toddler's behavior as "terrible"... chances are, you're right! It will more than likely be terrible for you, too!
So for me, bring on the tantrums + the ego centered behavior, I am going to chalk these moments up to the best opportunities for me to teach Mia how to:
-learn boundaries
-problem solve
-communicate
-navigate relationships
-share
-express herself freely
To The Girl: Go REBEL, EXPLORE, THROW + KICK! You've already stolen my heart!
What are other toddler moms doing to help in this new season? I'd love to hear from you!
Go on girl,
XO, Kat