"How ya feeling, Mama?" A question I'm frequently asked these days. My answer is usually, "Good! I feel good!" This is a genuine response! Sometimes I'm asked how I compare the two pregnancies. They are definitely different! Other than the biggest and best difference (method of conception), I would say that I've lightened up a bit the second time around. My mindset is more open, allowing me to feel in more control... or maybe it's distracted by a toddler?
Not only has this pregnancy been a huge and unexpected blessing, it has been a freaking BREEZE...well after 1st trimester. For me, the stress of the "do's + don't's" of pregnancy is non-existent (just following my gut), there's no shower registry looming over my head after countless hours of research on the "best baby products", and a scheduled C-Section removes any guessing of when I will go into labor. I'd say I am pretty lucky! I certainly have so much to be thankful for!
My current thought: Life is just REALLY GOOD right now!
We have our groove, it works for us...almost seamlessly. While I know I did not always feel like this, the mojo just slowly happened over time; and it will again, I am sure of it!
On the contrary, this time around I am still super anxious...but anxious about adjusting to the expansion- sharing my time, energy + love with two little ladies, rather than just one.
The math just doesn't seem to add up!?
I know 2>1, but how can my one heart love two children equally? That is one of my biggest wonders during my second pregnancy. And when I say wonders, it actually gives me anxiety.
Anyone reading this probably knows how much I am obsessed with my daughter, Mia. I find myself already starting to feel anxious, slightly resentful that something is going to come between the special bond we have. Every mother of multiple children does reassure me that this is a normal thought, also that my unconditional love will expand like magic! I can't wait to understand + feel this magic for myself.
If I really think about it rationally, I never expected to understand or FEEL the love that I have for Mia before she was born. She was born + BOOM there it was, this phenomenal, life changing, magical love.
Thankfully my education + profession as a counselor has me well equipped with some understanding about anxiety. Accepting a certain amount of anxiety is not only a healthy, adaptive response, it prepares you to cope with the anxiety that feels out of your control. Actually, I feel better presuming that some anxiety will be present during this change. I am trying to accept it + embrace it, rather than worry about worrying!
The birth of a child is at the top of the list of major life stressors. Naturally, with baby #2 comes a necessary shift for not only for my husband + I, but for our daughter too. This shift, as easy or difficult as it may be, will eventually be the catalyst to our deeply rooted family of 4. <-- and THAT! makes me feel more joy than any cloud of anxiety/fear.
In the meantime, I intend to be present with The Girl as we grow an even more amazing bond. I will not waste away in worry...(maybe slightly) but try to see the silver lining in my anxiety as a gift to propel me to be an even better mom of 2!
So if you are trying, expecting, a mommin' pro, or none of the above; don't underestimate your capabilities, you will no doubtably rise to the challenge.
Stay tuned for more on this!
Go on Girl,
XO, Kat