Before becoming a mother, I had some thoughts about how I was going to raise my children... Maybe I even had some judgements about how others raised their children. I definately did!
To me, becoming a mother is an unexplainable phenomenon that cannot be summed up with words; rather so much LOVE... but also stress, frustration + a little craziness.
Mia (my daughter) has morphed into a little toddler, (in what seems like overnight). Each stage has been so awesome, while presenting their own challenges. Most recently, her language and world knowledge has been so entertaining and impressive! She is such a light and force of great energy!
With her increasing independence has also come some sass, of course! Challenging my patience by challenging the "rules"... with her big smile!
Today I had brunch with a friend and her little guy, at a cute breakfast and lunch spot in our neighborhood. (S/O The Farmer's Daughter). I found myself tense at some points when Mia was wanting to walk around, and not sit in her chair or next to me. Rather, she was squirming out of the booth and getting in the way of the employees. As we waited for our food, she was restless and fidgety. I had moments where I thought about what other people were thinking as they were trying to enjoy their breakfast. I so badly just wanted to control her and have her settle down and sit nicely, maybe color her kid's menu!? Big hopes, Mom!
This same need to control continued as we hit a few more errands and we made it to my favorite bakery (S/O to White's Bakery) for a Sunday Treat. At this point, Mia was on level 100 of hype! Not only was she so excited to look at all the treats in the well manicured display cases, but she was overtired. Yikes, rough combo!!
I again found myself wanting to race and get out of there as quickly as possible. I think I have been hyper aware of her behavior, coming off of a week where some new biting behaviors have taken place at school... My level of worry would have you thinking, I'm raising a little heathen or something!
As I was as driving home, I noticed I was driving in silence for a while because Mia had fallen asleep. I looked and caught her reflection in the mirror. GOSH, she looked so peaceful, angelic even! I reflected on my morning as I continued to drive in silence. I thought about the stress I created for myself by trying to have so much control over her, my almost 2 year old wild thing!
I challenged myself to think about why it was so important for me to have her behave in such a way while we are out in public. Was is for fear of her safety? For fear of judgment by others? For fear of me thinking she might continue to grow up + be completely reckless? Truth is, it's probably a healthy mixture of all of three!
Here is what I know...
Mia is her own individual, one with very little logic (at this stage) + a very full imagination. I LOVE that about her! This stress, minor, yes, but stress nonetheless, is more about me + my own sh*t, rather than Mia's actual behavior. About how her behavior is a reflection of me as her mother.
In my car, I further thought about the 1,000's of pictures I have taken of Mia since birth + how I am always trying to capture the "best one!" You know, The one where her headband is in place, her face is clean, smiling into the camera with a cute outfit! These are hard to come by these days because, The Girl is most happy, barefoot, with her dirty feet, + her hair wild and free!
My point is... being a mother comes with its own challenges, we don't need to create more difficulty by trying to live up to the expectations of others! This certainly requires some type of detachment and need to control their destiny! As Mia's mom, its my job to help nourish the essence of who she is, while guiding her, supporting her + LOVING her right where she is!
So girl, go play in that dirt, eat that Nutella, shake out your headband and scream + laugh in public. I'll be here (trying not to cringe) checking my own ego.
I would love to hear from any moms who can relate!
Mommin' is hard enough, remembering to check our egos can be a helpful technique in this realm. Bringing awareness to how we actually do this, is where the work comes in! Let's work together mom's!...
Let's work on not judging, not comparing, and not taking life too seriously!
Go on girl,
XO, Kat