What if the we could conceptualize the idea of perfectionism as a relationship with ourselves?
The concept of “self-care” is so popular right now + its typically tied to the notion #treatyoself
But what if “treating” ourselves included more self-compassion + forgiveness? Imagine what a strong + fearless movement that would be!
Let’s start now!
per·fec·tion
/pərˈfekSH(ə)n/
noun
the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects
Now, define “free as possible”, it sounds like there is room for error here!?
PSSSSHHHHTT……Perfect, Smerfect.
Having high expectations is great! I do, too!
However, sometimes my own expectations far exceed my limits as a human being…thus causing me some unnecessary anxiety which has further evolved into stagnation.
I’m sharing what I’m learning about myself, and how I am working to combat the need to be “prefect”. Whether its striving to be a perfect wife or mother, or having the a perfect class planned for my clients, a having a perfect website and online programming platform for my clients.
Getting to know myself better, has caused me to realize that a PUSH to be “perfect” can actually hinder your creativity + passion! Learn how to come into your own + start to understand perfection as a hinderance rather than something to strive for.
Taking away the pressure to be “perfect” does not mean loosing your vision or diluting your work ethic while still expecting to be successful. It becomes this inner mastery of shifting your personal narrative from perfection to vulnerability, while still aiming for whatever awesomeness you’re going after!
Who wants to be perfect, anyway???
Perfection is an ideal, a concept with NO actual meaning. Really!!! It has no meaning, other than the meanings we attach to it!!! So aiming for perfection means aiming for an ideal that doesn’t really exist, talk about unattainable and anxiety provoking!!
I’m going out on a limb here, to say that most of us associate perfectionism with achievement…Yes!?
Think about those people you don’t know well, but deem them to be “perfect”…
(I know for me these people are successful, intelligent, beautiful, witty, affluent; to name a few characteristics. )
When you see them “behaving perfectly”, do you feel connected to them or disconnected to them?
Generally, I am going to assume, you feel disconnected to them, maybe you compare yourself to them and their success.
It’s natural to feel like this! It’s difficult to fight the urge to compare yourself to others, and it can serve as a healthy encouragement. The danger occurs when you loose YOUR momentum because, you become fixated on being as far along or as “prefect” as the ones we are comparing ourselves to.
I share this first hand, because I sometimes find myself in and out of this space, the space of compassion and striving to be perfect like (fill in the blank).
Luckily, I have a great deal of passion for what I am doing, and I am able to pull myself up and out of this mental block. But its not without self awareness and self confidence!
As humans, the need to strive for perfection is ingrained in us from early stages, so I can see why it’s a bad habit to break!
Here are a few simple approaches for breaking the "perfection" cycle:
1. Create your own version of “Perfect”
Perfection is really just a standard you unconsciously buy into. A set of ideals created by others in society, not just the media or celebrities; but, your family, friends, work colleagues and community, pretty much everybody… So rather than conforming to everyone’s ideals, set some for yourself.
When you go to start a new project, or set a personal goal for yourself, allow for some self reflection.
Ask yourself “what does my best look like in this situation?”
2. Give your heart a Say
Unless you plan on locking yourself away (highly don't recommend)… you’re always going to be judged! Judged by: strangers, your family, people in your community, even people that love you!
People inherently care about others are doing, its part of human behavior! So do what you will, + do what your passionate about because chances are, people are judging you regardless!
Rather than living your life in a way that is guided by the need to be perfect for everyone else’s view, live your life guided by your instincts, passions + intentions.
3. Perfectionism is Counterproductive
Again if we are associating perfect with success, then we are missing the mark!
Most often the need for perfection also leads to procrastination or excuse making! I can attest to this one big time!
The need to be perfect for everyone else, often has the opposite outcome of what we are trying to achieve!
Take this website + my individual work with clients, for example. I have been wanting to launch my own practice for a long time. But my need to have the perfect office, or have the perfect business card/website or certain certification, were all really just excuses holding me back from doing the actual work that I was setting out to do!!
One might say that, perfectionism is ....irrational!
4. Who Are You Trying Impress +Why?
When you are so fixated on being perfect or figuring our how you can appear flawless; you are missing opportunities to genuinely connect to others.
Whether its trying to gain more clients, grab the attention of your partner, start a new healthy habit; think about why you are doing what you’re doing.
Are you making decision for you or for the approval/validation of others?
Your need for perfection should not be influenced by attention from others. This can alter your authenticity and can further perpetuate negative emotions brought on by your need to constantly live up to unrealistic ideals.
Furthermore, missed opportunities/failures from inaction brought on by the need to be “perfect” will only keep you from elevating.
So start the new career, launch the website, call your estranged sibling, post the picture, join the new workout class, take a day off! Do whatever it is you are waiting for the perfect time to do...take action now!
Create + accept this shift toward more compassion for yourself + see if it doesn’t have a cascade effect on your success in whatever awesomeness you are venturing out to create!
Perhaps changing your need for perfection >> to inwardly embracing your own "special sauce".
Go on girl,
XO, Kat